Random | Headache

Shot with FIMO LM Color 100, in Karlsruhe

Some extraordinary normal capacities could only be valued after one loses them.

For example, the ability to just stay focus or calm during study, simply without headache.

I’d never thought it a big deal until from someday on, I began having headaches during lectures, homework, or any random stuff. Since then, I cannot even stay focusing for more than 20 minutes, or the headache would just pop out and haunt me consistently until I walked into the Mensa or just the rest of the day.

The headache was like a curse. It made me feel helpless and caused other subsequent problems. The sense of failure on my study just brought more pressure, also the sensitive and anxious mental situation affected by headache brought other social problems, which just made the headache stuff worse and the life messier. It is just a vicious circle.

I tried a lot to help myself get back to the “normal study state”. Sports, socials, nutritions, sleepings, doctors, therapies, travels, meditations, anything you could come to mind. However, nothing really worked.

The headache just kept haunting me.

Shot with FIMO LM Color 100. Scholossgarten, Karlsruhe

After couples of months, I finally realize my headache was caused by inner imbalance psychologically. The price was experiencing a desperate panic attack and getting back to China for a thorough medical examination. (Because the efficiency of the German medical system is so ineffective and I was suspicious about if I had a heart attack.) Now I’ve known so many complicated medical proper nouns from all those medical scans.

Honestly, I felt even worse when the doctors told me my headache and other suspicious pains were not because of visible lesions. In contrast, everything shown as physical symptoms were caused by mental disorders. I even took a medical examination for testing the level of the hormones of the brain, and it turned out to be totally messed up. It was also then, I awared of how honest my body is. There are so many things that are processed unconsciously and easily ignored by myself.

I struggled a lot to cope with the conclusion from the doctors. Afterwards, more precisely three months later, I made some hard decisions in my life, which totally broke the former balance.
Miraculously, the headaches just gradually went away after then. And I was so stunned that I could even finally study for a whole day or even overnight without burnt by the headache.

I still remember that Friday. Even though the homework I struggled for the whole overnight until morning was full of mistakes, I was so thrilled when I found myself finally freed from the headache even after the intense calculations.

Being such “normal” again was such a luxury for me.
And I enjoy the study so much after getting rid of headaches.
I was so desperate to worry if the headache is going to stay with the rest of my life.
Because it has haunted me for a whole year. The whole year I could barely achieve anything.
The whole year made me kept questioning my capacities and the future.

I don’t want this nightmare come back ever again.

I hope I am just getting a cold this week.